Shenanigan Story
by clashoftheseries
Summary: OneBreeternityLater's wedding to Shrek. There's going to be a lot of miscellaneous shenanigans.
1. Chapter 1

**This was a request. I don't know what I'm doing anymore or if I ever really did.**

Bree, Mary, and Shrek sat on Bree's couch contentedly eating Chicken flavoured ramen noodles. Bree was the happiest she had ever been in her life: the next day she was to be married to Mary's cat, Panther; the ramen was good; her best man, Shrek, had come all the way from Far Far Away to participate in her wedding; her Maid of Honour was her best friend of seven years; she had graduated from Akron University as a major in theology and gotten a job working for the mafia. Every single one of her dreams had either already been fulfilled or would be soon enough.

Shrek slurped his ramen. He had traveled a long, long way to arrive here with his friend, Bree. He was thinking about how he had met Bree a long time ago when she helped him fulfill a quest he'd undertaken to rescue Donkey from a horde of rabid Trumpians in Brooklyn. He shuddered, remembering the way their fangs had flashed in the moonlight when they had attacked his team. Pinnochio had been smashed to pieces, his nose being the only discernible fragment of his shattered corpse; Shrek still carried it in his pocket. No one knew what happened to Gingy, but the worst was assumed. The various woodland creatures who had followed him into battle had been in rough shape and were falling faster than Shrek could keep up with. Fiona had been holding her own, but it was her and Shrek against a hundred of the foul beasts. They had all but given up hope of surviving, let alone rescuing Donkey, when they had appeared: Bree and Mary, descending upon the crowd with the tenacity of demons and the wrath of angels. Donkey had been saved within minutes.

"Shrek, are you ok?" asked Mary, noticing his unease in the quiet of the room.

"What? Why?" Shrek responded, snapping back to the present.

"Meh. I'll let it pass. You were just...spacing, you know?" she grinned .

"Yeah...Hey, Bree, do you remember when we met?" Shrek asked the obliviously smiling girl on the couch beside him.

Bree was jolted out of her daydreams like a cat being sprayed with a hose. "What? Oh. Yeah, of course. Mary and I took out those Trumpians and helped you save your friend. That was a fun day. The ice cream afterwards was sublime as well."

"Yeah. Thanks again for that," Shrek stated awkwardly.

"This Ramen is my wife, and I love her unconditionally," interrupted Mary.

"I ship it," Bree responded instantly.

"Yeah…" Mary said, setting down the bowl of noodles. "I can't keep killing her. This isn't ok. My poor, beautiful wife! I'm a monster…" she trailed off before suddenly rising and going to the bathroom.

"Should we...check on her?" Shrek asked in concern.

"She'll be fine. This happens a lot. Do you want to watch every single Dan and Phil video ever released?"

"Uh...sure."


	2. Chapter 2

... ** _enjoy..._**

It was now the morning of the wedding. All of Bree's bridesmaids were in attendance, doing their part to bedeck her splendiferously for her wedding. Bree looked around at all of them: Her maid of honor was Mary, of course, and was dressed in a spiderman suit (Bree shouldn't have let her maids choose their own attire); Hermione Granger was wearing a pink gown that was the sister-dress to what the others had picked out; Olive was wearing a dark, drab, green dress in the same style as Hermione's; Fiona was wearing a brighter shade of green than Olive. Bree didn't have many bridesmaids, but she was glad that she had chosen such close friends (even if they had poor fashion sense). She had everyone carrying black roses to match her own dress. It was a strikingly bizarre, yet touching scene.

In the other room, Panther, Shrek, Sonic the Hedgehog, Fred and George Weasley were standing around. They were trying to figure out how to transfigure Panther back into a humanoid form so that it would be less horrific to watch him marry Bree. It was not going well. Fred and George had shot spell after spell at the unamused cat. So far, the most encouraging thing that had happened was that his fur was now a bright shade of canary yellow, which would irritate Bree endlessly later.

"Here, use this potion, idiots," suggested Mary's voice from the air vent.

"What potion? Where are you?" Shrek asked.

"Come over to the air vent," Mary responded, "I won't explain now, I can give you this potion I stole from the Fairy Godmother to turn Shrek into a human. It works on any animal, though, so be careful to keep it away from Sonic and yourself. I don't know what it would do to you, Shrek, since you aren't exactly an animal, but still…" her voice trailed off.

Shrek walked over to the air vent, searching for the potion. He looked in, and was met with dark, exhausted brown eyes. "You...you're in the wall?"

"Nah, just the air vent. I said I would explain after the wedding, ok?"

"Yeah….where's the potion?"

"Right here," she said, pushing a large vial out of the vent, and into his hands.

"How do I use it?"

"Just pour it on him...you might need to have one person hold him down while you pour it, though...he's a little bitch when it comes to water."


	3. Chapter 3

_**I know nothing of Sonic the Hedgehog's personality...**_

Panther stood waiting by the alter, now wearing a suit that Fred had magicked into existence. He wasn't used to being a human. Everyone around him seemed happy, though. He waited for his bride. He would never be able to repay his debt to Shrek.

At long last, Bree began her procession down the aisle. Panther had never seen anything so beautiful. It made his newly-enlarged heart swell. He smiled at her when she finally stood next to him. She looked at him in shock.

"P-Panther?"

"Hello, Bree."

"How did you…?

"A magic potion. The only way I can stay this way is by kissing you within before midnight...I think. That's usually how this works, right? I don't know shit about magic."

Their heartfelt conversation was interrupted by a solemn voice: "Before we begin the matrimonial procedures, if there is anyone here who has reason to oppose the wedding, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

There was a moment of silence. No one moved a muscle. Then, suddenly, a snarky voice ruptured the moment.

"I do, your honor. Do you people realize that that man was an animal about an hour ago? That is seriously messed up. And anyways, Bree...I have a confession to make. I love you. Please, give me a chance?"

"Sonic...you're a hedgehog. That's a bit hypocritical...and no! I love panther with all of my heart. I guess I would like to get to know him better, though. But if I do have to actuate the kiss, I guess I should kiss him soon. Planning a midnight wedding was a poor choice...but I want you to stay a human regardless, so…" Bree cut her sentence short by abruptly pulling panther down for a kiss.


End file.
